


Contents of Letters

by Larkawolfgirl



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Canon Era, Letters, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-08-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 08:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2143677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larkawolfgirl/pseuds/Larkawolfgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few imagined letters that Nowaki and Hiroki wrote to each other during their 3 years of separation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contents of Letters

Dear Hiro-san,

I wish I'd never left you. I miss you so much. Each night I dream of your touch and imagine that you're here with me. The only thing that keeps me here is the knowledge that the sooner I get my work done, the sooner I can come back to you. I've been doubling all my work just so I can reach you that much sooner. I love you. I want to hold you close. I love you. I love you.

~Nowaki

 

Dear Hiro-san,

Today we were talking about the effects on humans during space travel. There was a picture of a rocket ship. I thought of you and could no longer focus. Do you remember how we met? My toy rocket landed at your feet. I found you crying and fell in love with you at that moment. All I wanted was to wipe those tears away. And eventually I was able to replace your sadness with love. I love you, Hiro-san. I love you. I wish I could just run back to you, but if I did, I would not be a worthy enough man to be with you. I need to become a doctor, or I'll never be on the same level as you are. You are such an amazing person. I hope I can become more like you.

~Nowaki

 

Dear Hiro-san,

Today they took us to a hotel. There was a giant bathtub. While I was in it I felt so lonely. I leaned back and closed my eyes. When I reopened them, I could have sworn that you were there with me. When I realized you weren't, the pain gripped me. When I get back can we take a bath together? I love and miss you.

~Nowaki

 

Dear Hiro-san,

Last night I couldn't sleep. It was so cold. It's the middle of winter, and the furnace is broken. Lying there freezing, I thought of the warmth you would have given me. I miss your touch. The feel of your heat spreading into my veins just from being close to you. Sometimes I become crazed; slightly rabid. I do weird things out of need and awaken, horrified at myself for doing them. I need you, Hiro-san, more than you can even imagine. You are stronger to me than any drug could be, and I had to stop cold turkey. I long for our reunion with burning desire. I found myself writing Nowaki heart Hiro-san within a heart I drew in snow on the sidewalk. I love you, Hiro-san.

~Nowaki

 

Dear Hiro-san,

Today was my birthday. It felt weird celebrating alone. I know that it shouldn't have bothered me, since I was alone for so much of my life, but getting to know you has changed that. I know now that no matter how far apart we are, I will never be alone again. I live within you, Hiro-san. I love you more than anything else, because you are the home I was always searching for. I don't need anything else if I can just be beside you. You are my heroine, and I am going through withdrawal. I can endure this pain, though, so that when I return to you, I shall be able to prove that I have become a much better man.

~Nowaki

 

Dear Hiro-san,

I will be on my way back tomorrow, and I can't help but be a little scared. Have you changed? Are we still compatible? I only hope that you did wait for me. It would kill me to find that you had found another man, or worse gotten with that Usami. I trust you more than anyone, but I have doubts. I'm sorry, Hiro-san. You are my life. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't known that you would be there to return to. I just love you so unbearably. I can't believe that this time tomorrow I may actually be in your arms again. Please know that all these three years there has never been anything except for you.

~Nowaki

 

Dear Nowaki,  
Why aren't you writing me? I have no idea where to send this, so you must send me a letter first. You've sent nothing, and it's already been months. You did not tell me you were leaving, and now you won't even write to me about where you are or how you are. You have no idea how pissed I am right now. I guess it's because I love you so god damn much. I can't believe I just wrote that. Should I scribble it out? No, you won't even see this anyway...

 

Dear Nowaki,  
I miss you. Where did you go? Is it so far away that you can't even write me? Are you that busy? Am I so unimportant to you? Are you ever coming back to me, or should I just move on? Couldn't you have at least said goodbye? It's so quiet without you here...

 

Dear Nowaki,  
Yesterday was Christmas. How was it for you? Mine was complete shit. I can't believe I'm even gonna say this, but yet again you will never see these, so who gives a shit? I know it was completely childish, but I kept thinking to myself “If there is such a thing as Santa Clause, please let him bring Nowaki back to me.” Well, the whole day went by, and you never showed. Guess I can finally be 100% sure that he's not out there. How ironic, right? I finally get over my doubt and grow up entirely only when I'm a mess. Why the hell did you leave me, Nowaki? Was it as much fun spending Christmas alone for you as it was for me? I figured after being an orphan you would want to spend the rest of your Christmases with me. Guess that was just wishful thinking. God, maybe you weren't even alone. Found some new guy to pick up? What am I even thinking...I know you better than that, but you just hurt me so much. Why would you leave with no notice? What could possibly be that important? I struggle every day to tell myself I'm not worthless, that there's a chance you really did love me. What could you be feeling, I wonder. Hidden away God knows where. I miss you so much. I hope you're happy for changing my heartache to joy just to rip it back out again. But for your information, this is worse. Much worse. Now I know exactly what I'm missing. Your beautiful blue eyes, those gentle touches, those sweet whispers of “Hiro-san”, those kind gestures. All gone. And it's your fault. It's all your fault. Merry Christmas, Nowaki.....  
~Hiroki

 

Nowaki, you dumb bastard! Do you know how cold it is here with you gone? No matter how many times I utter the words “I'm cold” no arms come around me. No one embraces me throughout the night. No words of endless love surround me, guarding me from the cold and darkness. Before I knew you, I had built my own barriers against the elements. I'd had to. I had been alone and suffering. But then you appeared and shared the fight. Together I felt that we would win against anything. Apparently, I had been wrong...

 

I'm so embarrassed to admit this, but I hope that by putting it down on paper they'll stop. I've been having nightmares lately. It is always the same.

It starts back before you when I was pining over Akihiko. I see him captivated by Takahiro, and I feel that familiar stab to my chest. Then it goes to that one night. I don't think I ever told you about that, but we did have a one night. I can feel his touch and the possibility of my heart finally mending, but then I hear it. That one word spoiling it all- Takahiro. I can feel my heartache, my pain. Then you are there. I feel your love radiating around me. I feel safe and at peace. We make love beautifully, and then aggressively. I love every moment of it, but then the dream shifts and you are wearing a blindfold. I become nervous but try to remain calm. It is you after all. You won't do anything to cut my heart out, right? Then I hear it-Takahiro. First in his voice, then yours. Then I find myself alone in darkness. I scream, but nothing comes to my rescue. Then the darkness sweeps around me, constricting me, making me suffocate. Then I wake up, alone still.

I really don't know how long I can keep going on like this. I miss you so much, and I can't help but blame myself. Am I just meant to be unloved? Have I committed some grave injustice in a past life that I have to pay for? I don't know. All I know is that you're gone, and I think I may go insane without you.


End file.
